Dehumanized
by ezrastypewriter
Summary: Spencer Hastings has a psychological condition called depersonalization but even she can figure out that her fiancee, Ezra Fitz's loyalties lie elsewhere. Warning: Future Angst, and some plot twists.


It had all started with a cup of coffee. Spencer Hastings decided that a nice cup of coffee would help her on a misty morning. But instead she ran into her future husband, Ezra Fitz. She spilled some coffee on him, leading into a conversation, then a number exchange, then a few dates, and now engagement vows. Engagement vows, and she's barely even 20 yet.

Spencer examined her reflection in the mirror. Her wedding dress cinched in all the right places, and her veil was bobby pinned into her hair trailing down her back. She dragged her hands down her dress fixing even the most miniscule of wrinkles in her dress. Since as far as she could remember, she was the most stressed out Hastings because she was the farthest from perfection in the Hastings family tree. She could barely get into a State University, and now she was marrying for the reason that she can get away from her family, and because she loved her fiancée. Was that wrong? Not on Spencer's watch, clearly.

Spencer's hired cosmetologist ran into the room frantically, trying to balance tins of makeup in all sorts of brands. Spencer had never believed in makeup, she felt that it was bad enough that she had to hide her true personality behind a smile let alone hide her true looks behind a dense layer of chemical solutions. She scanned her face in the mirror and noticed that all of her flaws had popped out, almost mocking her. Then she had experienced something that plagued her. When she was 13, she had been diagnosed with a psychological disorder called depersonalization. Depersonalization is when the person experiences a dream-like state where they feel disconnected from one's physicality or body, feel detached from one's own thoughts or emotions, feel as if one is disconnected from reality, and acquire sense of feeling as if one is dreaming or in a dreamlike state. And sometimes when she was stressed out, idle, or even simply content, she'll slip into a trance like state where she sees herself asking questions such as "Is that really you?" and she'll talk to herself as if she's a completely different human being. And that's exactly what she experienced right now.

"Is that you, Spencer?" Her mind asked herself as her eyesight flew blurry. "Is that really you? Wow, look at you. Weddings are irrational don't you think? It's almost like you're making yourself and your partner promise that you won't leave theme because you don't trust them. What a mundane thing, I mean what does it matter? Eventually you'll be gone, he'll be gone, and everyone's gone eventually. So don't do it. Don't marry him, because it's just too mundane. Live with him, and trust in him. That's more effective than this stupid wedding, and you'll save a lot of money too."

Spencer's trance had waivered away and she was back to adjusting to her normal self. She was adjusting to being in her body instead of viewing everything happening to her as an outsider. Her arms had wrapped themselves around her hips and before she knew it her makeup was slowly making its way down her face, which was tear-stained and red. The cosmetologist had left the room during her trance and Spencer was all alone in her room. So she felt more comfortable to let it all out and cry; cry like there was nothing left for her and like everything she had built up for had come crashing down even though there was a new door of opportunity reaching out for her, holding its hands out for her to run into. She ran her fingers up and down the insides of her arm as if she was letting the pain ooze into her fingertips and her sobs had only become harder. Then she felt a pair of hands pull her up out of her fetal position on her sofa, and pull her face into the person's chest. It was Aria Montgomery, her maid in honor, but more importantly the only person and friend she had told about her disorder.

"Spencer. It's your wedding day and you're here sobbing and practically ripping yourself up." Aria said with her eyes locked with Spencer's. "Tell me, do you not like this marriage? Trust me, I can arrange the wedding to be cancelled or postponed."

Spencer simply responded with a sharp welp.

Aria wrapped her arms around Spencer's shoulders and pulled her in tighter towards her body. "I promise you Spencer, you say one word and it's off. It's one word. Say it and it's off."

Spencer just clenched tighter onto Aria's tiny body and cried even harder. But she took a deep breath and spoke while propping herself up. "I do love him, it's just I haven't told him. And what if he cancels on me? I'm already fucked up as it is! Do you think…" She paused to sniffle, "my parents are going to accept me with open arms when I mess up the one thing I manage to do, which is get married to Ezra? Well newsflash, they're not." She said with a sharp tone. "So no, don't call it off. I have to do this for me, and for Ezra."

Spencer then tugged on her heels and strutted out with the most confidence she had in almost a year. Ezra's hotel room was just a floor down, so she had time to frame her thoughts into a comprehendible speech, before she was face to door with his room. Ezra's door was closed but unlocked so she carefully turned the knob as if it was going to shock her and let herself in, shutting the door with just as much care behind her.

"Ezra Fitz." Spencer said with the most professional tone she could possibly put on, "I have something to tell you."


End file.
